Wednesday, July 22, 2009

CON!

PRESS RELEASE FOR IMMEDIATE PUBLICATION

FRIEDMAN-CON TO FINALLY SPLIT WITH COMIC-CON, COMPETE FOR SCI-FI FANS' HEARTS AND MINDS AND MONEY

After years of sharing The San Diego Convention Center venue with Comic-Con, organizers of the JoshFriedmanCon Corp. have decided to finally take the ridiculously lucrative Convention devoted to all things Josh Friedman out on its own.

"There's a number of reasons we've decided to end our partnership with Comic-Con," says JFCC co-founder Josh Friedman. "It's become clear recently that Comic-Con's interests and Friedman-Con's interests were beginning to diverge. Comic-Con has gradually changed from its early roots as a colorful sanctuary for the comic book industry and its fans to something more akin to a corporate trade show focusing on broader marketing objectives in all corners of entertainment culture. JoshFriedmanCon, on the other hand, has been and will always be singularly devoted to Josh Friedman. And that's what our fans want."

Last year 120,000 people visited the combined Comic-Con/JoshFriedman-Con. The organizers of JFCC detailed a number of things that caused them concern regarding the quality of their fans' Con-Experience. Friedman cited some alarming statistics:

"Of the 120,000 visitors to Comic/Friedman-Con, 97% of them self-identified as 'Josh Friedman Fans' or 'Friedman Fans' or 'JF Fans' while only 8% considered themselves 'Fans of Movies or TV or Comics which did not in some way involve Josh Friedman.' 63% of THOSE visitors self-identified as 'West L.A. douchebag d-boys trying to fuck a Bud Light Bakugan Girl on his expense account.' After analyzing these numbers we came to a series of conclusions: first of all, there's a lot of douchebags in Los Angeles. Many of them do not like Josh Friedman. Frankly, we don't know why. We've always gotten along really well with douchebags and in fact, have partnered with them a number of times on film and tv projects. Second of all, and we think Mr. Comic-Con would agree with us, at some point you've gotta take the training wheels off. You can only lean on someone else's fan base for so long. Whether Comic-Con can survive without us remains to be seen. If it does, certainly we'll welcome them as a healthy and vibrant part of the Con Family. If they don't, well, I'm sure we all remember what happened to Pheasant-Con and Foam Hand-Con."

Said a spokesman for the Convention Center: "This came as quite a surprise and disappointment for us. We've counted on Friedman-Con to bring in the majority of the attendees, I think everybody knows that. But what people don't realize is the amount of food and drink consumed by the average Friedman-Con goer is approximately three times the amount consumed by the average Comic-Con visitor. I remember last year six fans dressed as College-Aged Friedman shut down an entire Pizza Hut concession. And I'm pretty sure two of them were girls."

Last year Friedman-Con had experienced some backlash from hardcore fans who felt that the "F-Con" had "sold out" by aligning itself so closely with Friedman's sci-fi show Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Especially angry had been some of Friedman's online backers.

From FriedmanOnlineDailyChatVerse commenter FatFurryBastard:

"FWIW if JF continues to waste his/our time creating television shows and writing sh*t m*vies then I will consider the promise br*ken. U can troll-slap me and so be it but no one has been a bigger JF supporter than I have been--fan since Schwayder Camp '77-- and even stuck with him through late 30s cancer (YAWN). This year's main Friedman panel sucked. Waited three hours to sit in back of 6A and what did I get? Five questions for JF, none of which discuss '08 decision to grow out hair, three of which cover high school (HASN'T THIS BEEN COVERED FULLY IN GRAPHIC NOVEL PART 3?) and TWO f'ing question about SUMMER GLAU! SUMMER F'ING GLAU? Are any of us sitting there dressed like Summer Glau? Chr***. I can't wait for that p**** of ****** to be cancelled so those other mot***fuckers can get off his stage. But YMMV."

When the show's ratings dropped precipitously in the second season, Friedman's supporters staged fan rallies in front of WB and Fox, carrying placards which read "The Show Must Go Off" and hanging Summer Glau in effigy. A "FREE JOSH FRIEDMAN" campaign was organized as fans mailed in thousands of half-eaten Twinkies and empty bottles of Don Julio tequila to Fox President Kevin Reilly.

In May, Friedman's fans got their wish when Fox Broadcasting Co. declined to renew Sarah Connor for a third season. Said Friedman at the time: "The fans' passion for cancellation spoke volumes to WB and Fox. I know that I was extremely moved by it and did everything I could to convince Kevin and Peter that this donkey had no balls."

The blogosphere concurred. Typical was this response:

IDoLoveaJew1967: "About frakkin' time. Just about everyone on Television Without Josh had pretty much given up on JF. I thought he'd pulled a Whedon or a Moore on us but I think we all owe him an apology. He got that show cancelled right quick and now JF CAN GO BACK TO DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: BEING J FUCKING F!"

According to Friedman: "I knew the cancellation was gonna be a big boost to JoshFriedmanCon. Everybody's always loved me most as a cocky, fat, unemployed lazy hefty bag full of neuroses teetering inches from self-immolation. That's sort of my thing."

Organizers also were excited about FriedCon's new locale, the bulk snack food aisle in the 3rd st. Smart and Final. An all-access JF-Con pass allows a fan the opportunity to purchase bulk treats from BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE, including both the savory and the sweet.

Friedman: "I know many of my fans were frustrated both by the vastness of the San Diego Convention Center as well as its strange smell of printer's ink, vinyl and animal sex. I've toured the new set-up at the Smart and Final and want to assure everybody that the more intimate atmosphere will be nothing short of ELECTRIC and the smell is a wonderful mixture of spanish peanut, pink and white animal cookies and lox by the box."

BELOW IS THE TENTATIVE FRIEDMAN-CON PANEL SCHEDULE (not all panelists confirmed)

THURSDAY: NUDIE THURSDAY

As is traditional for the opening day of Friedman-Con, all of the panels revolve around something humiliating that happened to Josh while he was naked. Among the highlights:

PICTURES OF MY BABY PENIS
Panelists will include Darlene and Alan Friedman (Josh's parents) Aunt Terri (Darlene's sister ten years her junior and a frequent babysitter) and a guy named Matt. A.V. Presentation included.

THEY WATCHED ME POOP
Panelists include Todd Grant from second grade, John Karp of the Jewish Summer Camp Karps, and that guy Matt's dad, Murray.

FLYING VIRGIN AIRWAYS
How Josh had an asthma attack while losing his virginity. Panelists include Josh Friedman and A Girl Named Christa who now goes by her married name. We suggest you arrive early as the aisle will be at full capacity.

FOOD FRIDAY

The traditional Friedman-Con celebration of Josh's self-destructive eating habits. Highlights include:

SOCIETY FOR CREATIVE ANACHRONISM PRESENTS TACO NIGHT! Fastidiously researched and recreated, the SCA will re-enact the Friedman family tradition of turning home-cooked taco night into bloodsport. Don't miss watching Josh's "Dad" elbow Josh's "brother" out of the way to get to the hamburger meat while "Josh" protects his fragile psyche by power-guzzling three large burritos. Mary McDonnell guests as Josh's mother whimpering in the corner.

ANNUAL JOSH COSTUME PARTY AND FAT PANTS-ALIKE
A highlight of every Friedman-Con has been the Friday night costume party. Participants are encouraged to come dressed as different high and low points in Josh's fifteen year, eighty-pound roller coaster cycle battle with weight and self-loathing. Awards will be given to those who most creatively express this year's theme: "I Don't Need a Trainer, I Can Do it by Myself".

There will also be a breakfast pizza eating contest.

SATURDAY

An eclectic series of panels relating to the work of Josh Friedman. Including:

THEY TOLD ME I COULDN'T DO IT
Panelists include Josh's 7th grade English teacher, his tenth grade football coach, his High school JV basketball coach, that girl Christa who goes by her married name, and Josh's Dad.

HOW TO TURN A GREAT IDEA INTO A RATINGS FAILURE AND WHAT IT SAYS ABOUT YOU
Panelists include Josh Friedman, Josh's therapist Esther, Bryan Fuller and Bryan Fuller's therapist Kristin Chenowith.

NEW MEDIA PANEL: HEY BLOG, FUCK YOU
The highlight of Saturday's panels is a barn burner: Josh Friedman sits down for a funny and insightful one-on-one conversation with his Blog. One-time intimates but now barely on speaking terms, Josh and his Blog reunite for what promises to be a crackling hour of accusations, back-pedaling, furious rationalization and insane resentment. Topics to be covered include: Snakes on a Motherfucking Plane, David Koepp, The Literary Criticism of Anonymous, Whose Cancer is it Anyway, and exploring the answer to the age old question: YOU SUCK.

SUNDAY

As usual the highlight of the final day will be THE ANNUAL MUSICAL. This year we will be dramatizing the idea that under certain sonic conditions, like if it's really loud or windy, the names "Josh Friedman" and "Joss Whedon" sound almost exactly alike.

All parts sung by Kristin Chenowith and Josh's Dad.

And despite the fact that ticket prices have tripled due to what Friedman calls "the economic climate," the Man Himself wants to reassure the fans that it'll all be worth it.

Says Friedman: "It'll be our best Con yet!"

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